MIA

 

To my followers and readers:

I apologize for a dramatic decrease in postings and interactions …

In the past couple of months I have been faced with so many challenges, so much information; the steps of our journey are advancing at such a rapid pace, I cannot seem to get a solid, secure handle on it.  This is keeping me at an arm’s distance from delving into my creative sanctuary.   My creativity in writing or painting is totally muddled.    I wake up in the middle of the night or pause a moment in the day with a fraction of wording trying to surface, yet I cannot grasp it well enough to continue.  I know the muse is not on strike, but where is she hiding?

For those who may not know, my mom has been recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer that is inoperable and untreatable.  This is a hard “pill” to swallow being that she is so independent, sharp-minded and young at heart.  She is not a typical 92+ yrs old individual.  Her claim to the universe and God is “I am going to beat this”!!  While my sister, brothers and cousins support this mind-set … the doctors are not moving down the same page with us.  They are stating information in a more clinical manner – in such a way that is enough to deflate anyone’s optimism.  We are accepting and aware of her condition and the rapid speed it is progressing, but we also are very mindful … only God knows our expiration date on earth.

2011 Momma

In  whatever time we have left, I want to make the most of the time with my mom.  I also want for her to remain as comfortable as possible.  She has projects she wants to complete for herself and for her family.

Balancing these wishes for her, juggling my Texas life with my Louisiana life … balancing my earthly with my divine purpose … my journey at the moment is staying with the NOW, while attempting to balance those emotions that are ricocheting all over the place.  I do not want to have any regrets in the process.  I want to come full circle … forgiveness to seek and provide – roads to repair – to express those unsaid words and feelings,  while learning stories, sharing memories … all whilst  staying connected to what is ultimate and precious in my spiritual life — my Divine connection with God — relying on faith and trust He will carry me through it all.

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Update 12-17-13

Against all odds, my mom is still fighting her “cancer journey”.  She has outlived predictions by at least 4+ months.  We rejoiced her 50 years of painting at an art show featuring her work and mine in July (Featured Artist Showing), we exhaled relief in the milestone of her 93rd birthday in August (33,969 Sunrises), and with appreciation and gratitude we savored moments of mercy and grace at Thanksgiving.  With hope, we will celebrate Christmas.

We expressed from the beginning – “only God knows her expiration date!”   She is a testament of courage … see  Twinkle of Appreciation ~ 18

I am thankful to the many of you who graciously offer the best gifts … the gift of prayer and kind thoughts.  Your consideration is appreciated beyond measure.  You are a blessing in my life.  Thank you!

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Update 04-15-14

Amazing us all — my mom is still with us.  Her physical body is exhausted and emaciated, yet her spirit is resilient.  Doctors indicate medically, she should not be … giving us further indication “Who is in control”.

The flowers she insisted on planting late summer/early fall range from buds to blooms.  With my trusty camera in hand, I take daily photographic inventory for her to witness.

She spends 95% of her time in bed; 90% of this time asleep.  She awakens late morning/early afternoon with her bedtime earlier and earlier.  During the small window of wakefulness, she may experience occasional short-fused spurts of  energy — savoring time with a visitor, or a phone call;  sporadically tackling a crossword puzzle or a book.

Astoundingly, we have passed the year mark of this journey with her …  approaching another milestone holiday – the most holy and meaningful one of our faith – Easter Sunday.  I am thankful for each sunrise and sunset granted with her.  Yet, I pray when it is her designated time, she goes peacefully and with remaining dignity.

I thank each of you who gifts us with prayers, inquiries and thoughtfulness.  You have assisted me in this journey.

Update 9-5-14

Undoubtedly, there are no medical reasons for my mom to still be with us – 17 months into this journey – when she was only given 4.  She astounds the medical staff, hospice workers and us.  She accomplished another milestone of her birthday in early August.  Her body continues to deteriorate, and I wonder how much more can she endure?  More of her friends have passed away, and with each one, I notice a change in her demeanor.  She gets quieter.  Not one to share those thoughts with us, I only imagine where her mind wanders, and what it holds/questions.  To me, I view a “spiritual train station” with what seems “unlimited” trains, zipping in and out, and people are whisking pass her, and traveling quickly around her.  I see her as this emaciated wisp of a human frame – ready for departure, but her time has not arrived. Confused, she wonders “Why haven’t I been called; why do I remain.  Surely, I have not missed my train, but where is it?!”

I continue to thank those for your thoughts, blessed wishes, and gifts of prayer. We march onward, and handle each day with as much grace as God bestows upon us.

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Update 12-12-14

My mom is surrounded by loved ones – both here and from above.   Her time left on earth in this weakened, depleted and emaciated body is short.   She is medicated heavily to keep her calm and peaceful.   Her breathing is shallow, and the number of breaths per minute are slowing down.   The end of her courageous battle is nearly over.   As difficult as it is to witness, it is a blessing and an honor.   We have encouraged her to go toward the light and leave all of her earthly cares behind.   God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Heavenly Hosts of Angels, my brother, my dad, and her mother as well as other loved ones and best friends are waiting for her.   Soon she will be dancing on the streets paved with gold … celebrating the joys of her new life … achieving the ultimate goal set into motion since birth.  She has been courageous and graceful throughout this ordeal.  She will leave a rich legacy.

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Last entry

At 10:11 am on 12-13-14, my mom’s spirit was released to the care of Jesus Christ and God.  She was surrounded by loved ones.  She went peacefully.  Although saddened by the loss, we celebrate with joy that she is no longer in pain.  She is dancing in the streets made of gold … whole and fully restored.  RIP momma!

See Chaos
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© rgb for “On Dragonfly Wings with Buttercup Tea”, 2011 – 2013

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About becca givens

Becca is an artist, poet, and animal communicator. She delights in cooking, nurturing, and sharing a rich spiritual life with others on the Path.
This entry was posted in Free verse and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

62 Responses to MIA

  1. Becca, I just saw this update… my deepest sympathies for your loss. My heart goes out to you. What an inspiring and delightful woman your mother was…truly inspiring. I hope that thoughts of her will bring continuing thoughts of love and joy to your heart.

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  2. I’m so sorry Becca, I just learned about this tonight. I’m terribly sorry and please accept my deepest condolences. I know how close you were (are) with your mom and that you had such a wonderful relationship. Your mom lives in your heart, always and I know you will keep her memories alive forever. I had noticed I hadn’t received or heard from you in a long time, now I know why. This is so sad.

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss Becca, my heart goes out to you and your family. Take care ❤

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  4. Geraldine says:

    Yes she is happy and at peace now. And she is smiling down at you right now, I have no doubt that life and love continue…take care Becca.

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  5. What a beautiful testimony to your mother. Her ship came in. May she rest in eternal peace wrapped in the arms of our loving Savior. God bless you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and with you all.

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  6. Victoria says:

    Hi Becca, I came across your blog this morning, and although you don’t know me, I just wanted to say that you and your mom are now in my thoughts, prayers, and heart.
    Infinite Blessings to you All.
    ~v.

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    • becca givens says:

      Ahh, Victoria, I am a believer of everything happens for some purpose. Finding this blog, this particular morning has some significance in our paths/journeys. I appreciate you leaving such a thoughtful note for me. Thoughts and prayers are wonderful gifts … especially for strangers. Thank you! Have a blessed day! 😀

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  7. Renee Espriu says:

    It is amazing how someone can keep on going against such tremendous odds but it is done time and time again. Your mother is amazing and it reminds me of my own. She should have actually left us an entire year prior to when she did but did not because my father begged her not to. At the time that happened she could not breathe and dad took her to the hospital. By the time she got there she had no level of oxygen that could be read but amazingly enough she lived another year. On the way to the hospital dad begged her not to leave. That is the nature of the human spirit and I would say your mother is the only one who can determine when it is, indeed, time for her to leave. she is living life on her terms. I applaud her and you for all the love you share. Blessings to you both.

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    • becca givens says:

      Her resilience is remarkable — she has told us on numerous occasions, she is ready — however, it is obvious God is not ready for her yet! Thank you for stopping by and leaving a note. I appreciate the blessings sent!

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  8. shoreacres says:

    Becca, I’m just so glad your mother was with you for another Easter. As you rightly note, there are things in this world we don’t control — any more than the doctors do! — and for me, at least, there’s a good bit of peace in that understanding.

    However things go as we move deeper into spring, know that you’re always in my prayers.

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  9. phylor says:

    To every thing, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn, and purpose to every life under heaven. Been thinking of you, and ended up here. When someone’s time comes, it comes. But you know that, and understand the whys.

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    • becca givens says:

      OMG — I thought I responded — but alas I discover I haven’t. Thank you for the reminder — yes, everything.everyone has its season … lessons must still be in the works as my mom is still hanging in there albeit by the thinnest strand. Thank you for the note.

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  10. Prayers and positive thoughts, Becca.

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    • becca givens says:

      Oh I am so sorry — I thought I responded to your message. Please forgive my tardiness. I must have gotten interrupted and lost whatever train of thought I still possess! 😉 I appreciate the positive thoughts and prayers … such gifts! Thank you!

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      • No problem at all. Understood. I’m pretty much MIA myself, with my mom in and out of the hospital and now in the Rehab from Hell! Things turn upside down sometimes and we have to deal with it all. It’s difficult. Getting older has it’s YAYs and WOEs. Be well.

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  11. Pingback: Twinkle of Appreciation ≈ 18 | "On Dragonfly Wings with Buttercup Tea"

  12. Christina says:

    Take all the time you need – this time will nerver come back. All the best to you,

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  13. Becca,
    I’ve been not missing in action but “lagging in action” and just realized I’d not gotten post notices from you. Just went to your site to sign up again and saw your MIA.

    I can only begin to imagine what this time is like for you. 10 years ago my 92 year old father was diagnosed with bone cancer. It’s a time filled with so many feelings there’s really no place to begin. For me, during these times all energy goes into staying present in the moment not taking flights of fancy into creating.

    You, your mother and family are in my prayers and I pray A LOT.
    with love,
    judy

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    • becca givens says:

      Aww, Judy — thank you so much for your tender and heartfelt message. I am splitting my time between Louisiana and Texas … at any given time, I expect to be there full time until her sacred journey completes. My emotions bounce around … ranging from muddled confusion to moments of clarity. The time we’ve had has been healing.

      So precious if the gift of prayer … Thank you!! xo

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  14. siggiofmaine says:

    Becca,
    I missed this post…just noticed it in the corner of today’s post. While I sort of know some your trials and tribulations I want you to know that I think this is a wonderful way to let people know about your Mom and you…and your family. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
    Peace and Love
    Siggi

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  15. Becca, your creativity has not waned or been put on hold at all. It is manifesting in your healing self and being displayed in your relationship with your mom. Holding you in the light. Hugs, Liz

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  16. Mariane says:

    I pray for you and your Mother – and hope whatever happens it is for your best 😀

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    • becca givens says:

      Ahhh, thank you, Mariane … our journey down this last earthly path is moving fairly quickly. Her spirits are optimistic and peaceful overall, but, as normal, there are moments. Her energy level is more limited each day … but we take one day at a time and are thankful for it.

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      • Mariane says:

        Super – It is so important that you all in the family not are worry and take good time to enjoy each moment – She might overcome it – but as you said God is the only one that knows – a HUGE hug to you

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  17. Allison says:

    Becca, I am sorry for what you and your mom are going through. Take time, plenty of it, to be with your mom in these trying days and to keep yourself strong.

    You might enjoy a couple books which reflect on illness in the family: Summer of the Great-Grandmother and Two-Part Invention by Madeleine L’Engle. Sometimes books help me in times of upheaval and unrest.

    My prayers are with your mom that she can finish her projects. They’re also with you and the rest of your family.

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  18. shoreacres says:

    Becca, I read this when you first posted it, and have read it several times since. Why I couldn’t comment, I don’t know. I suspect it’s only that my own mom’s death is still relatively recent, and that the few regrets I do have about her last years occasionally are stirred up by posts such as this.

    Your attentiveness to your mother, your family and your own needs must come first. The experiences you have in this time will only enrich and enliven your writing, and as for your readers – we’ll be here. (Even when we’re sometimes not commenting!)

    Each of us copes, grieves, celebrates and endures differently. While I had to wait to comment, I’ve been keeping you and your mother in my prayers. I know you’ll find your way through all of this – the best way for you!

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  19. tigerbrite says:

    Hugs Becca. Blessings for your Mom’s journey. I am so sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself.

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  20. Geraldine says:

    Becca, how sad to read this. Sending hugs to you and your beloved mom. Make the most of every minute with her now, you’ll be so glad you did in the future. And take good care of yourself too.

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  21. Pam says:

    Dear Friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers as I follow your inspired words and images. I pray peace for your dear mother as she transitions from her earthly journey to the next. I pray angels to gentle your journey with her. She is blessed to have you near. With love,
    Pam

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  22. elleceef says:

    My thoughts are with you at this time of transitions,, may God grant strength to you and yours ,

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  23. Becca, my love, thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and family. Blessings to all of you….Kathy

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  24. Renee Espriu says:

    Hi Becca! I had kind of wondered where you were but as you do still post some things did think you might be busy but had no idea that your mom was ill. My heart goes out to you as I had felt connected to you given that your dad and my mom passed around the same time. I do know how important it is that you stay connected to her during this time to be able to help her do all that she wants to do. I was like that so much with mom and actually did not start writing on a site until after she was gone. So, yes, do spend the time and enjoy it and the good memories because it is not easy when the connection, at least earthbound, is no longer there. But as you know there is so much more. I am sending you and your family “Angels Incoming”! Take Care.

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  25. phylor says:

    I’m send in good and healing thoughts’. It is so good that you (and other relatives) can spend time with her. In terms of her still being in the hospital and appreciating the opportunity to share, pray, and exchange stories and love. And, of course she will always be with you with in your heart and soul.
    So I’m sending (((((hugs)))))) and wishing for all the best.

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    • becca givens says:

      Thank you for those healing thoughts … thankfully, she is home after a 2nd hospitalization. We would like to keep her there in her own surroundings. There are things she wants to finish, and we are supporting her in doing so, as her energy level allows. After a few days in TX, I am heading back … this will be my routine for the months (or weeks) to come. Thank you for reaching out. xoxo

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  26. Press on! Hard things.

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  27. when God brings you to it, he will pull you through it. hope you are able to make your Mom happy in the time that she has here. wish you love and peace

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  28. Please accept my deepest and heartfelt love for your Mom and you. I remember your travels with her. She is a beautiful and lovely woman from what you have told us. I pray she has recovery but know that sometimes these things cannot happen the way we want. There is consolation in knowing that you are giving her your 100% attention and time. You are fortunate to have that time to spend with her. There are many who do not find things out until it is too late.
    Praying that you have peace and joy during this difficult time
    God Bless ….. xo

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    • becca givens says:

      Thank you, Izzy … we must find peace, joy and comfort in the days ahead … this is the sacred process in store for each of us. The human side is never ready though! Appreciate you reaching out xoxo

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  29. wightrabbit says:

    I have been where you are right now Becca and my mother, too, insisted she was going to ‘beat it’. The doctors clearly thought that I was in denial when I didn’t ask ‘how long’ and told them, with the greatest respect, that they weren’t God. For me it was vital to live every day as it came and not be counting down how many they’d predicted were left. Mum and I had some amazing moments during those last days, when nothing else mattered but to be but it took all my energy to remain centered. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you devote yourself to this sacred process, dear friend. Wth love, Jacqueline X

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  30. lauriesnotes says:

    Much love to you-
    You are in my thoughts and heart.
    Love,
    Laurie

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  31. Dear Becca it is 5-30 am in the morning here. I am at work on one of my sleep ins. I woke up just and for some reason turned back on my phone which isn’t set to come on with my alarm until 6am.
    The reason I tell you this is that your email of this post came through to the top of my message list. And I knew straight away I had to open it.
    GOD is working with you and through you and Is within your Mom.
    You are so right with your statement only God know the minute of our departure date.
    Nursing my own Father through lung Cancer I know what you are going through Becca.
    I also knoW that your priority is to your Mom.
    So know dear Becca that my prayers are with you your Mom and your family and I will be adding Mia to my healing grid of thought.
    Love to you and remember also that we too your blog friends have become as famiy
    I send you my love.
    And I send you my Prayers.
    And forgive if there are any erors here only this typing looks so small via my little phone this early LOL
    Love to you dear Becca
    A sister in Spirit who holds your hand
    Sue xxx

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    • becca givens says:

      Oh Sue — what a lovely and calming post for me. Thank you for the prayers and adding mom to your healing grid … Her name is Emmy with the family nickname of Tot (her sister, and grandchildren call her this). MIA is short for Missing In Action!!

      Thank you for holding my hand, sweet sister ~~ xoxo

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  32. Oh Becca my heart goes out to you and your mum x you will find the strength to do and say whatever is right in the precious time ahead. Do remember to take time to rest and be kind to yourself as well as your mum so that you stay strong. Your muse is storing up treasures for the future. So save those snatches of phrases, jot them down in a special journal. One day they will all come together and bloom. God bless you and bring you peace and comfort x x x

    Sent by Brenda Kimmins

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