MIA

 

To my followers and readers:

I apologize for a dramatic decrease in postings and interactions …

In the past couple of months I have been faced with so many challenges, so much information; the steps of our journey are advancing at such a rapid pace, I cannot seem to get a solid, secure handle on it.  This is keeping me at an arm’s distance from delving into my creative sanctuary.   My creativity in writing or painting is totally muddled.    I wake up in the middle of the night or pause a moment in the day with a fraction of wording trying to surface, yet I cannot grasp it well enough to continue.  I know the muse is not on strike, but where is she hiding?

For those who may not know, my mom has been recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer that is inoperable and untreatable.  This is a hard “pill” to swallow being that she is so independent, sharp-minded and young at heart.  She is not a typical 92+ yrs old individual.  Her claim to the universe and God is “I am going to beat this”!!  While my sister, brothers and cousins support this mind-set … the doctors are not moving down the same page with us.  They are stating information in a more clinical manner – in such a way that is enough to deflate anyone’s optimism.  We are accepting and aware of her condition and the rapid speed it is progressing, but we also are very mindful … only God knows our expiration date on earth.

In  whatever time we have left, I want to make the most of the time with my mom.  I also want for her to remain as comfortable as possible.  She has projects she wants to complete for herself and for her family.

Balancing these wishes for her, juggling my Texas life with my Louisiana life … balancing my earthly with my divine purpose … my journey at the moment is staying with the NOW, while attempting to balance those emotions that are ricocheting all over the place.  I do not want to have any regrets in the process.  I want to come full circle … forgiveness to seek and provide – roads to repair – to express those unsaid words and feelings,  while learning stories, sharing memories … all whilst  staying connected to what is ultimate and precious in my spiritual life — my Divine connection with God — relying on faith and trust He will carry me through it all.

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Update 12-17-13

Against all odds, my mom is still fighting her “cancer journey”.  She has outlived predictions by at least 4+ months.  We rejoiced her 50 years of painting at an art show featuring her work and mine in July (Featured Artist Showing), we exhaled relief in the milestone of her 93rd birthday in August (33,969 Sunrises), and with appreciation and gratitude we savored moments of mercy and grace at Thanksgiving.  With hope, we will celebrate Christmas.

We expressed from the beginning – “only God knows her expiration date!”   She is a testament of courage … see  Twinkle of Appreciation ~ 18

I am thankful to the many of you who graciously offer the best gifts … the gift of prayer and kind thoughts.  Your consideration is appreciated beyond measure.  You are a blessing in my life.  Thank you!

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Update 04-15-14

Amazing us all — my mom is still with us.  Her physical body is exhausted and emaciated, yet her spirit is resilient.  Doctors indicate medically, she should not be … giving us further indication “Who is in control”.

The flowers she insisted on planting late summer/early fall range from buds to blooms.  With my trusty camera in hand, I take daily photographic inventory for her to witness.

She spends 95% of her time in bed; 90% of this time asleep.  She awakens late morning/early afternoon with her bedtime earlier and earlier.  During the small window of wakefulness, she may experience occasional short-fused spurts of  energy — savoring time with a visitor, or a phone call;  sporadically tackling a crossword puzzle or a book.

Astoundingly, we have passed the year mark of this journey with her …  approaching another milestone holiday – the most holy and meaningful one of our faith – Easter Sunday.  I am thankful for each sunrise and sunset granted with her.  Yet, I pray when it is her designated time, she goes peacefully and with remaining dignity.

I thank each of you who gifts us with prayers, inquiries and thoughtfulness.  You have assisted me in this journey.

Update 9-5-14

Undoubtedly, there are no medical reasons for my mom to still be with us – 17 months into this journey – when she was only given 4.  She astounds the medical staff, hospice workers and us.  She accomplished another milestone of her birthday in early August.  Her body continues to deteriorate, and I wonder how much more can she endure?  More of her friends have passed away, and with each one, I notice a change in her demeanor.  She gets quieter.  Not one to share those thoughts with us, I only imagine where her mind wanders, and what it holds/questions.  To me, I view a “spiritual train station” with what seems “unlimited” trains, zipping in and out, and people are whisking pass her, and traveling quickly around her.  I see her as this emaciated wisp of a human frame – ready for departure, but her time has not arrived. Confused, she wonders “Why haven’t I been called; why do I remain.  Surely, I have not missed my train, but where is it?!”

I continue to thank those for your thoughts, blessed wishes, and gifts of prayer. We march onward, and handle each day with as much grace as God bestows upon us.

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Update 12-12-14

My mom is surrounded by loved ones – both here and from above.   Her time left on earth in this weakened, depleted and emaciated body is short.   She is medicated heavily to keep her calm and peaceful.   Her breathing is shallow, and the number of breaths per minute are slowing down.   The end of her courageous battle is nearly over.   As difficult as it is to witness, it is a blessing and an honor.   We have encouraged her to go toward the light and leave all of her earthly cares behind.   God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Heavenly Hosts of Angels, my brother, my dad, and her mother as well as other loved ones and best friends are waiting for her.   Soon she will be dancing on the streets paved with gold … celebrating the joys of her new life … achieving the ultimate goal set into motion since birth.  She has been courageous and graceful throughout this ordeal.  She will leave a rich legacy.

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Last entry

At 10:11 am on 12-13-14, my mom’s spirit was released to the care of Jesus Christ and God.  She was surrounded by loved ones.  She went peacefully.  Although saddened by the loss, we celebrate with joy that she is no longer in pain.  She is dancing in the streets made of gold … whole and fully restored.  RIP momma!

See Chaos
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© rgb for “On Dragonfly Wings with Buttercup Tea”, 2011 – 2013