I have had a few days more than usual at my Texas home before heading back to Louisiana. In this time, the New Year began — with the inherent ritual of pondering accomplishments/activities of the past year and contemplating “what I want different for this year” … beyond the fact it is going to be a poignant year.
With perfect timing, I participated in a nurturing retreat with some of my Energy Sisters – tucked away on acres of land full of trees, talking wind, sunshine, meditative journeys, laughter and good food. Although, only a couple of days away, I returned to hubby and fur-kids … with evidence of feeling refreshed, partially renewed and not as overwhelmed.
A couple of days ago, I was inspired by a collection of activities …
1) several small stones (part of the month long Mindful Writing Challenge or small stone writing),
2) a “tweet” which led to a post titled “Silly Me and The Year of the Fairy Tale” by a fellow blogger, JJudy from Curiosity to the Max, and
3) the tug to do something different —– something nurturing for me … even in (or especially because) of being in the midst of coping with the ending of my mom’s sacred journey.
I felt a prod … it should be something to open a path to evolve me — pull me out of the unrealistic expectations of myself, free me from a lifetime of inaccurate self-information and the tentacles of very real and paralyzing fear!
After all, “I am an adult, and considered a “mature one” at that!” 🙂 I no longer have to meet the expectations of teachers/professors in school/college/graduate school, or the goals and objectives of employers. I am nearly an orphan, so before much longer, I am free from all parental expectations – real or perceived. My husband is supportive; he wants me happy and thriving. My four-legged fur-children want me to happy and relaxed; their world of energy is more balanced if I am balanced. I am free to work with myself … my journey through my eyes and perspective. I do not need to compare myself to others; I do not need to compete with anyone … Ahh hahhh!!
Objections and perceived obstacles start to roar their ugly heads …
Nearly my entire life, I excelled in commitments. If I gave someone my word, I kept it no matter what else occurred. I was loyal, faithful and a peacekeeper – nearly always to the benefit of others, but often not to the benefit of me. Somewhere along the way (maybe in the past 5-7 years) — I started shying away from commitments … Always with the thought — what if something else came up? what if I am not in the mood? what if .. what if … what if …
Over the years I have a developed a revolving bookshelf of attempts to journal. I start in earnest, but before long, the activity of journaling goes by the wayside – in the past, journaling either took too long to write, or I sat staring at the blank pages. I tried the exercises of writing whatever thoughts came to mind, even if they were repetitive over and over again, until “something” broke through the wall, and the timer exercise … always seeming futile – so another journal was stored on the shelf. Last year, I had the idea of starting a visual journal … I ordered one as a Christmas present to myself. I made sure it was delivered in time to toast 2013. I do not even know where it is at the moment. 😀
So to my utmost surprise, I was strongly nudged to join a free online creative journaling project called – Root: A 30 Day Journal Project by Lisa Sonora Beam. Oh wait … This would involve commitment … daily for 30 days … and it would involve journaling. “Yikes!!”
In the description of the project, my eyes zeroed in on the use and appreciation of a Confucius quote:
“Cultivate the root, the leaves and branches will take care of themselves.”
This quote, along with the graphic of a tree and its roots, grabbed my attention (those of you who visit frequently know I love trees).
“Oh no! The group started on January 1st” … the group is already a third of the way through.” I did not know if I was going to have to play catch up or not — “Hmm, would that deter me?”
Before my fingers and brain communicated – I subscribed and activated the subscription. To my delight, the first email arrived titled … Day 1. Among it’s opening information … “Today’s Inspiration: “There is no beginning too small.” — Henry David Thoreau.” How much better can it get? 😀
But, but … “OMG, can I really do this? Suppose I am not doing it correctly!?!” I take a deep breath, and realize the examples of the prompts/challenges I participate in … all the different perspectives of the WP Weekly Photo Challenge … I visit nearly a hundred each week … discovering with dismay, all the different aspects of one word or one prompt. Each one is correct … it is all in their perspective … their journey … Realizing this is from my perspective … my journey.
So, moving at my own pace of the 30-days, let me begin … with the encouragement of Henry David Thoreau …
“There is no beginning too small”
© rgb for “On Dragonfly Wings with Buttercup Tea”, 2011 – 2014